*...until you hit the ground.*

Thursday, October 20, 2005

The Mysterious Thing Called LOVE

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.

If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love him/her, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return, do not take advantage, do not cause pain.

How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

If you fall in love with another, and he/she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame, let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time.

Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away.

Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can. There is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.

The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love.

They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.

Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into saying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do.

Love always has been and always will be a mystery. Be glad that it came tolive for a moment in your life.

* from lovenotes.com

caught a falling star @ 9:36 AM 4...comments

Saturday, September 17, 2005

i will be back soon. yay. i miss myself.

caught a falling star @ 1:07 AM 1...comments

Sunday, August 14, 2005

almost like it.

I finally found the perfect song about me on him. "Cant stop loving you" by phil collins. It might not have been love but it was almost like it.

Here goes~

So you're leaving in the morning on the early train
I could say everything's alright
And I could pretend and say goodbye
Got your ticket
Got your suitcase
Got your leaving smile
I could say that's the way it goes
And I could pretend and you won't know....
That I was lying

Cause I can't stop loving you
No I can't stop loving you
No I won't stop loving you
Why should I?

We took a taxi to the station, not a word was said
And I saw you walk across the road
For maybe the last time I don't know
Feeling humbleI heard a rumble
On the railway track
And when I hear that whistle blow
I'll walk away and you won't know...
That I'll be crying

Cause I can't stop loving you
No I can't stop loving you
No I won't stop loving you
Why should I?

Even try ...I'll always be here by your side
Why, why, why ...I never wanted to say goodbye
Why even try...I'm always here if you change, change your mind

So you 're leaving in the morning on the early train
I could say everything's alright
And I could pretend and say goodbye
But that would be lying

Cause I can't stop loving you
No I can't stop loving you
No I won't stop loving you
Why should I even try?

caught a falling star @ 11:16 PM 1...comments

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Song Seung Heon

^^ i have a crush on Song Seung Heon ^^

caught a falling star @ 10:28 PM 0...comments

Monday, August 08, 2005

too tired after a bowling that started at 2 am

bowling finished when the sun was up already. we were inside a comfy neoprint (purikura) booth. we had a nap inside.

caught a falling star @ 6:37 PM 0...comments

another ring society

caught a falling star @ 6:24 PM 5...comments

i painted my nails yesterday. ^^ but since i only have two hands, i couldnt take a picture of both in one click :(

caught a falling star @ 6:16 PM 4...comments

sometimes i can be really naive...sometimes very mature.

sometimes sensitive...but sometimes nonchalant...

some things fade...some things stayed. two things did, the others vanished.

caught a falling star @ 5:36 PM 1...comments

kathy lets trade shoes!

i am soOo getting jealous of kathy's job. kathy's a high school friend. she graduated this year and is working for F. shes a researcher. but F?! a researcher for F?! i wouldnt call that a job...i mean it must be really fun. she gets invites and freebies. and one time they were invited to this art show in makati and although she said it wasnt fun, the free picapica made up for it! yummy. and she got a free book. i wonder what book it is. and did i mention she went to BORACAY twice for that?! BEACH!!!! too envious. (i assume the Bora was work related) hehehehe. ^^ but im really happy for her...she always wanted to be in media. but though she didnt end up to be a tv reporter like what she wanted in highschool, i think being a reasercher for F is way cooler than being a reporter.

hmmm...would you believe that according to a study only 5% of filipina admit that they are beautiful? that i read from kathy's blog which she learned from one of F events. which makes me wonder, do i live in a country with a very strict definition of beauty that only 5% think they qualify? or do i live in a country with 95% of its women insecure? or do we just dont like flattering ourselves?

*sigh* reading my friends blogs makes me miss manila even more. those tv ads katiekate was talking about...i totally cant relate :(. i even get dreams of airports and suitcases these days. i wish i get home safe.

i still cant believe one of my closest friends is already married and have a baby kid. and i also found out from a friend that the magna cum laude in up cebu is also getting married this august. and i just read kathy's blog and she was also talking about someone's wedding. what's going on? why too early?! theres still soOo many other things they can do. probably the reason why this comes as a big surprise to me is that at the age of 21...they are going to start a family already while im still single since birth?

i just dont see myself wearing a wedding gown 5 or 7 or 8 years from now. then again were all different. we make different choices in life just as life presents us with different options. i guess we really cant trade shoes with anyone.

caught a falling star @ 3:55 PM 1...comments

fhil!?!

i cant believe my friend! but shes making me smile from ear to ear. ^^

i guess one finds a really good friend when even after years they still think about what used to make you happy...and assuming that it could still make you happy, they would try to give you that. ^^

she's so funny. she got jj's number and mailed it to me. not just that, she also got the plate number of his family's car...the color, the type (maroon, crosswind xto). what's good about having her is i have an instant free private detective. not that i would hire one. ^^. shes just so funny...i still cant believe she actually memorized the plate number for me. and jj was like...centuries ago! i should ask her to stop or bebep (jj's codename) would think she's a stalker.

and i also got a *HUG* from katiekate a while ago. its friends like them and simple moments like this that makes me want to smile more, live more...because im understood and cared for. ^^

caught a falling star @ 10:35 AM 0...comments

Sometimes I have to hate mc or myk or whoever is, at the moment, causing me pain

Yeah I have to hate them some time. Because by wanting so much to be liked back by them, and by blaming myself for not getting that wish and for dwelling on hanging issues for the longest time, I tend to forget that my life isnt just about that.

I tend to forget that I should be taking out mcdo burgers for hungry street kids...of course youll rarely find that here in Japan, but in the Philippines there are many of them. I tend to forget that I should take learning sign language seriously so I could talk to deaf-mute kids who have no one else to talk to but their nannies or their family and other deaf-mute like them. I tend to forget those quiet moments with God. I tend to forget praying...and more important than that, I tend to forget there are many people in need that I should pray for.

I tend to forget that girl who dreams of building an orphanage for abandoned children, or anything that does volunteering...it cant change the world...it cant erase poverty, and those dark things but it eases the pain...makes days a little more bearable. I tend to forget that it doesn't matter if im single forever...I mean, sure I would sometimes wonder what its like to be loved back...but there are more serious problems in the world than that. And me being healthy, educated, and all...I should do whatever I could to help ease those problems.

I tend to forget that my life is not just about my happiness...because to say that my own happiness should be the goal of my life is the answer of a selfish child. And im sure mama didn't endure nine months of carrying me in her womb and going through those sleepless nights when im being a bitchy baby and wont stop crying (assuming all babies went through that), just to see me grown up to be selfish and ungrateful.

I don't really have to be suffering from cancer or leukemia and have my days numbered for me to realize how precious life is and how I should not waste it from senseless wonderings, pointless bickerings inside my head, and energy-sapping bitterness.

I will make better use of my time from now on. ^^

caught a falling star @ 2:10 AM 0...comments

Sunday, August 07, 2005

if we were "we"

I saw his wax-museum pictures today. If we were "we," id have called him and told him how that picture with the Beatles made me laugh a lot. That guy can be really funny sometimes. The way he loves the camera, taking pictures and all. Sometimes the camera doesn't love him though. In some pictures, he sometimes looks...nevermind. He makes me smile still.

If we were "we," id have brought lunch boxes for us both on some days. Maybe everyday. Maybe not, but regularly. Id have forced him to climb trees with me, then yoyogi park would have meant more. We'd have jogged together. And he'd finish my lunch like he used to...once or twice before. That would have been good to both of us, he'd have gained weight and id lose mine. We'd have been perfect. Perfect lunch partners, that is. Id have said good morning and good night every single day. And Id have given him my grad pic. The prettiest one. Id have forced him to teach me how to ride a bike. I actually imagined that one before. Of course it never happened. I was never able to visit him in his dorm ever.

If we were "we," id have gone to his dorm and he'd have visited me in musashi-urawa once. Id have had pig-out days with him. And karaoke with the girls and kuya.

If we were "we," our first and last hug would not have been the first and the last. It would have been just one of the innumerable hugs. And I would not have felt so conscious when we did hug because I would have been used to feeling his bones at his back. When we hugged and I felt the bones on his back, I suddenly panicked because I realized I really did hug him so I felt like speeding off after that. And I did. I ran. But if we were "we," Id have went with him to narita, I don't care if there were two other people with him...I don't care if I had to go home by myself and endure the long train ride alone.

If we were "we," id have bought him that studies luck charm sold at temples and shrines...coz i have one given by a friend five years ago and ive always kept it. and id have bought a lovecharm for both of us. We'd have had ippai neoprints/purikura.

If we were "we," id have concocted many little surprises and gave him many kisses on the cheeks. We'd have sat beside each other on bus trips and id have had someone's shoulder to lean my head on when im sleeping. and he need not be surrounded by many girls all the time. But then he'd have complained and broken up with me. haha. after all, the more the merrier. :(

If we were "we," pooh would have been with him now...somewhere in china.

If we were "we," id have bought presents for his sister. It would have been very fun to buy stuff for a little girl...although she probably isnt that little anymore.

If we were "we," we'd have held each other's hands which we were never able to do. i barely even talk to him. I wonder how his hands felt.

If we were "we," I may have gone to hong kong with him. And I wouldn't wonder if ill ever see him again because we'll meet again for sure. if i come to think about it, of all exchange students he actually lives the closest to me. well doesnt he live somewhere near hong kong? that's just about an hour by plane...almost the same distance as my parent's province in the south.

If we were "we," I wouldn't be writing this now...because id have known how "us" had been. No ifs, just memories.

I hope this is the last ever post about him...this is really tiring me out. Entertaining silly thoughts. Id have slept soundly instead...but I didn't! I entertained "if" thoughts again. *sigh*

caught a falling star @ 11:28 PM 5...comments

sue me. like i care!?!

i dont know whats wrong with me. ive written around 9 entries in my journal, none of them i want to write in my blog...i actually thought of changing my blog address which is pretty easy. i could keep it anonymous forever or share it only to friends i really really trust. that could work.

*sigh* what's keeping me from writing anyway? i mean im entitled to my own thoughts. and whether readers like it or not, they cant possibly sue me for writing my thoughts and feelings no matter how crazy, weird, or just plainly far off from reality, they can be. they cant sue me, can they?! well i couldnt possibly care less.

caught a falling star @ 11:06 PM 2...comments

i miss quezon city. i never thought id hear myself say this but yeah i really do. :( cant wait to go home. what i dont miss about q.c. though is the initials "S.B." every where. i wish our mayor gets tired of painting his initials any where, if he can only realize what an eye sore it is. okay im being a bad citizen. bad bad me.

if im outside the country and im asked where i live, i always say manila. well its one syllable shorter than que-zon-ci-ty...and i wouldnt want to further explain that it doesnt really make a difference. that q.c. is actually the former capital of the philippines and that manila and q.c. is actually part of metro manila which you can shorten as "manila" if youre outside the metropolis. eeerr...that explanation confused me too. ^^

like claire knowing i study in UP and live in manila...so whenever she meets Upians which happens to be quite often..like that bar somewhere in tokyo or that english camp, she'd tell them she has a friend who studies in UP Manila which isnt quite true..because my campus isnt in Manila. its UP Diliman.

the point really is, at this very hour, i am really bored and i cant think of anything else to get my mind off that ice cream waiting in the fridge to be eaten to kill my boredom but i guess i have no choice but to give in to temptation. *sigh*

caught a falling star @ 2:43 PM 1...comments

im covering the hole

i woke up this morning and i realized this blog cant be my hole anymore. well first secrets cant be called secrets anymore if everyone knows about it. second i may have some thoughts that could hurt people and i dont wanna be doing it coz ive been hurt myself and i know its not a good part to play.

and i...well...i...want to stop writing about "them." because i may still be waking up early in the morning thinking about "him" despite promising myself never to do that ever again. and i dont want to write things like this anymore. who knows...he might come across this blog and figure out how silly a girl i am for actually falling for him. i have to be fair to myself this time. i mean i never ever read about myself in his blog and definitely never in the future...but if he comes across this blog, he can read about himself from my very first post. wouldnt that just feed his ego?

so from today on, im keeping my personal personal thoughts in the territory of my handy journal.

*sigh* i need my energy back.

caught a falling star @ 5:03 AM 1...comments

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

with more friends reading me....i cant write everything i feel after all. *sigh*

caught a falling star @ 10:09 PM 4...comments

heck i am soOo much in a bad mood. aaaargh. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! i want to scream! T. D. and H.? never again. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. huhuhuhuhuhuhu. and i even thought of ........waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! huhuhuhuhuhu.

caught a falling star @ 9:10 PM 2...comments

About Falling Star

my friend said this about me on friendster.com...but i'm afraid she might have been drunk when she wrote this: Kristine, 02/16/2004: kl... witty, sincere, cry baby, pretty, holy, fragile, precious, innocent and sweet... definitely too good to be true... :)

See my complete profile

Falling star's many names

elle(=mama calls me this)
marumaruchan
baby(=ate calls me this)
munchkin
onigiri
tabs
crown
bungkakelkel
fries
kaye
kL
tike
peps
kuting
kath
etoile_fillante

Vanity

Loves

neoprints
falling in like (makes me happy, worried, giggly, scared...its a roller coaster. often painful but worth it)
seeing papa or mama or ate laugh soOo hard...anything that makes them happy makes me twice as happy.
a long hot shower
stars
music box
receiving bouquet of flowers
flying kites
walking barefoot on the grass
wearing newly washed pjs
dressing up or trying out costumes
theater
music
pigging out
time alone
climbing trees

Detests

egotistic bitchy evil jerks
any slimy crawling creature (snake, catterpillar, whatever...)
tokyo earthquakes (because they happen a lot and they scare me because my family's not here and no one can protect me :()

Wish List

1. to be in two places at one time. i wish i could stay here longer than my intended stay, and yet i wish to be home too.
2.a music box in the tune of "wind beneath my wings"
3. the one
4.to get my old weight back. i dont even wish to be thinner, i only wish to be able to wear three of my now-i-cant-wear trousers
5.to be loved (by a boy)
6.to be remembered in a nice way
7.to be able to eat all the ice creams and cakes and chocolates i want without getting fat
8.what else?! still thinking....

Favorite Movies...

The Classic
A Walk To Remember
Ima Ai Ni Yukimasu
My Sassy Girl
The Land Before Time
In The Mood For Love
Amelie
Children of Heaven
Serendipity
My Life In Pink
Moulin Rouge
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
Love Undercover 2
I Am Sam
A Tale of Two Sisters

Music Box...

MYMP
Kitchie Nadal
Coldplay
Rascal Flatts
Counting Crows
Alanis Morissette
Avril Lavigne
Beatles
The Carpenters
Chantal Kreviazuk
The Corrs
Dido
Enya
Moonstar88
Jamie Rivera
Parokya ni Edgar
Heather Nova
Jewel
Lene Marlin
Lisa Loeb
Maroon5
Norah Jones
The Red Hot Chili Peppers
Barbie's Cradle
Sarah McLachlan
Sixpence None The Richer
Sophie B. Hawkins
Vonda Shepard
Evanescence

~~Things I like in a boy...~~

(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)

someone who believes in my dreams...someone who believes in me.
faithful. to God and to me.
someone who can enjoy the small things in life, like waking up at night just to gaze at the stars or walking barefoot on the grass.
someone who i can enjoy silence with...someone i could spend a day with without having to utter any word or sound and yet feel like that was one of the best days i've had.
someone who i can feel safe with. someone i can trust with my life. someone who will take care of me. of course i dont need to be taken care of... i mean until now ive never been with anyone but im still doing okay....but, i guess...i just want to feel being cared for.
a little boy at heart. ^_^
someone who can tell me my hair's a mess--but can get away with it without offending me. someone who can criticize me but would not make me feel less special.
loves my family and friends. because my family is everything to me. and they are part of who i am...its uh...package deal. ^_^
someone i can be friends with long after the sparks fade and the feelings lost, for whats the point of getting to know each other and investing so much emotions then just hate each other in the end when things dont work out?
someone who i dont have to spend every single day with for me to feel loved.
someone who kneels down and pray.
someone i can feel at home with.
eto pa...^_^

Things I like in a boy...(edited version)

(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)

someone possible
someone who i love and someone who can love me back

current mood

How to make a Falling Star

Ingredients:
1/2 cup of naivety
3/4 cup of laughter
1/4 cup & 1 tsp. of insecurity

Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of sadness. Sprinkle a bit of craziness (it's not complete without that!). Serve chilled with a smile. And recently, i discovered that if you add a pinch of faith, it'll be a lot better. Yum!*Do not overindulge!*

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

I always wanted to be someone else...but im being unfair to myself. it should be okay to be me..