i was out of tokyo for a week. pagbalik ko i checked his blog and....waaaaaaaaaaaaahhh! wala na syang blog?!? huhuhuhuhu. i still have soOooO many tests and quizzes to take (those i missed and the ones for this week)...aahh, this will be a sad sad week...kelly will go home to michigan on the 31st already. i dont have anymore twinnie. -_-: *deep deep sigh* so until i finished the things im supposed to be doing...bye blog for a while muna.
this is Sang-min (CHO IN-sung) of the movie The Classic. *sigh* why he has to look almost like m.c. in this picture (from the movie)...and why there has to be a girl that acts like me at the back, i dont know. *sigh* haaay ewan.
im drained.*sigh*. im soo tired and soOo not feeling okay. and i know i wont be better soon.
i was lying in bed with my headphones on...and i just realized...there are soo many songs about my life already. songs that speak of what's inside me at some point in my life...
Lie to me, say that you need me
....I'm so tired but I can't sleep.
But I will remember you, Will you remember me?
Don't worry you will find the answer if you let it go
...You just faded away
Have you ever felt some kind of emptiness inside....
I will be the answer At the end of the line
I've flown too high on borrowed wings...
i got to this place arrived at last
...you've seen me at my weakest yet you take me as I am
even when i have to push just to see how far you'll go
like really made up. no second thoughts whatsoever. no aftermath tears of regret.
i mean at some point i have to make a decision. i cant just hang in there...wait in vain for eternity while thinking if i should or should not do something about m.c.'s case.
i decided that if its all up to me...*haaaaay*...he wont know. period.
i think i like him. because...i saw my reflection at the trains' glass window tonight on the way home...and i saw me smiling. really smiling. i went to karaoke today with him and everyone else...it was totally unplanned. i was even thinking of going home as soon as possible before i hear more prodding from them for me to go. they went dancing afterwards but i can only do karaoke for now. we didnt even talk talk. if we ever spoke a word its just, oh the microphone please or something like that, and i wasnt even directly addressing him. haaaay. *more sigh*. but i saw me smiling anyway.
and uhh...like all other days. he really looks cute today.
i think this is the first time that im happy knowing i like him. coz usually its always with worries, and insecurities. now its different...and im happy. ureshiii!
wenwen lectured me this morning. she told me im soo okashii (strange)...coz when she likes someone, she gets nervous but she definitely wants to see the guy as often as possible... whereas me...well i avoid the guy as much as possible. and she told me how many chances of getting close to him i have passed up. that's not entirely true though. of course i want to see him..of course i want to talk to him..why else would i sometimes daydream about talking with him?!? i want to be close to him too..but im just scared that the feelings' not mutual and that he doesnt want to be anywhere close to me. and that would be unfair right? if he doesnt like me any more than being a friend, why would i push myself at him, right? if i like him a lot, what makes him happy should be enough to make me happy. apparently, i am not part of his idea of happiness because if i was...he'd be unusually interested, sweet, (or whatever...) with me right? well he isnt like that with me. besides im happy just looking at him from afar. or am i? hmmm. no one ever said love and like will be easy.
right now im just happy. it isnt that scary being near him after all.
at the end of my conversation class' tea party, i couldnt get close to my bag coz he was standing right in front of it..and when he finally left (went somewhere), he also left his cap over my bag...and they were putting it on my head but i kept putting it away..i wished i had worn it and joked him that its not his cap anymore coz i found it over my bag, you know..finder's keepers. *sigh*.
but i shouldnt have time for regrets. the fact that i was brave enough to go to karaoke with them, i deserve a pat on my back already. ^_^
someday he'll know i like him. now is just not the right time. someday...someday...
i can only be grateful. because life has blessed me with...life itself. i would often rant about not finding the one...but now i think its unfair to whine about that because there is much more to my life than not being someone's girl. -_-:.
i spent the afternoon today, dancing with wenwen...in my attempt to burn some calories...tighten those flabby arms. it was fun. really fun. we were dancing in my room...actually it was more like, "jumping in my room"...not caring if we look stupid...not caring about anything at all. after dinner, i hang out in her room. did my my homeworks in her room and asked her to help me with my japanese essay and use her word coz my computer doesnt have mic.word. then we watched the drama ive been waiting to see for a loong time now. watched smap on tv. laughed. i had a nap. and because smap made us jealous with sweets they made in the show, wenwen and i decided to raid the nearest supermarket in our dorm for ice cream (at past 11, that is ^_^)!!!
its moments like this that makes me think how lucky i am to be alive. i have nothing else to ask for. i have friends. loads of them. just moments ago when i went out, i have clothes to keep me warm while walking in the middle of a cold cold night. i have spare money to buy an ice cream when i feel like it. i can read the name of our supermarket. i can walk. i can see and look at the beautiful nightsky. i can speak. i can hear wenwen's voice. and now, i can use the internet. i know how to encode. and there's much much much more to my life.
i am soo lucky and it just makes me cry...for all the moments i felt i wasnt blessed enough. it makes me cry for moments i thought the world is being unfair to me. it makes me cry for moments when i thought i didnt get what i deserve. i am soo blessed...and it just overwhelms me. i cant help but cry. im so blessed to be me. and i can only be grateful.
when im not at school "studying" (that is quote unquote studying), i find myself in front of my p.c. 95 percent of the time..and that has got to change. CHANGE. PERIOD. i have more worthwhile things to do than knowingly and willingly unburn my calories by sitting perpetually in front of my p.c. once i enter my room. so from now on ill put my schedule under serious construction. i wont be checking my e-mails (and friendster, blahblah...) only once a week like ate broken wing's resolution though. mine's gonna be one hour a day...and the rest is REAL studying, and exercise (im crossing my fingers on that). that should be enough. i mean, its not like i get important e-mails per hour. so im sure its not gonna kill me to deprive myself of not-so important things. i cant even really call it deprivation. i should be fine. and..uh...blogging's going to be a three day per week thingy...or an hour per day. ^_^
(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
|How to make a Falling Star|
1/2 cup of naivety
3/4 cup of laughter
1/4 cup & 1 tsp. of insecurity
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of sadness. Sprinkle a bit of craziness (it's not complete without that!). Serve chilled with a smile. And recently, i discovered that if you add a pinch of faith, it'll be a lot better. Yum!*Do not overindulge!*
When i lost you, I was the one who loved you most, but between us you lost more. For someday I can love someone the way that i loved you but you will never be loved again the way that i did...
everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. illness, injury, failures, love lost, memories of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of one's soul. without the small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. it would be safe and comfortable but uttery pointless...
do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others, it is because we are different that each of us is special...
do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. by living your life, one day at a time, you live all the days of your life...
do not be afraid to encounter risks, it is by taking risks that we learn how to be brave...
do not run through life so fast that you forget, not only where you have been, but also where you are going...
Humankind get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again...
We cannot make anyone love us. All we can do is let ourselves be loved.
"If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive." - Eleonora Duse
"This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends." - Euripedes
"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." - George Iles
The hardest thing to do is to watch someone you love, love someone else.
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then its not the end.
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Men are not worthy of precious tears, they just make us look terrible...
Its amazing the things you realize when you lose someone; you get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could've a million times, you take for grantd the days doing nothing when you could have been with them. anyone can be taken at anytime in our lives, but we always wait until theyre gone to say the things we never had the courage to before
Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if i wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along...