I saw his wax-museum pictures today. If we were "we," id have called him and told him how that picture with the Beatles made me laugh a lot. That guy can be really funny sometimes. The way he loves the camera, taking pictures and all. Sometimes the camera doesn't love him though. In some pictures, he sometimes looks...nevermind. He makes me smile still.
If we were "we," id have brought lunch boxes for us both on some days. Maybe everyday. Maybe not, but regularly. Id have forced him to climb trees with me, then yoyogi park would have meant more. We'd have jogged together. And he'd finish my lunch like he used to...once or twice before. That would have been good to both of us, he'd have gained weight and id lose mine. We'd have been perfect. Perfect lunch partners, that is. Id have said good morning and good night every single day. And Id have given him my grad pic. The prettiest one. Id have forced him to teach me how to ride a bike. I actually imagined that one before. Of course it never happened. I was never able to visit him in his dorm ever.
If we were "we," id have gone to his dorm and he'd have visited me in musashi-urawa once. Id have had pig-out days with him. And karaoke with the girls and kuya.
If we were "we," our first and last hug would not have been the first and the last. It would have been just one of the innumerable hugs. And I would not have felt so conscious when we did hug because I would have been used to feeling his bones at his back. When we hugged and I felt the bones on his back, I suddenly panicked because I realized I really did hug him so I felt like speeding off after that. And I did. I ran. But if we were "we," Id have went with him to narita, I don't care if there were two other people with him...I don't care if I had to go home by myself and endure the long train ride alone.
If we were "we," id have bought him that studies luck charm sold at temples and shrines...coz i have one given by a friend five years ago and ive always kept it. and id have bought a lovecharm for both of us. We'd have had ippai neoprints/purikura.
If we were "we," id have concocted many little surprises and gave him many kisses on the cheeks. We'd have sat beside each other on bus trips and id have had someone's shoulder to lean my head on when im sleeping. and he need not be surrounded by many girls all the time. But then he'd have complained and broken up with me. haha. after all, the more the merrier. :(
If we were "we," pooh would have been with him now...somewhere in china.
If we were "we," id have bought presents for his sister. It would have been very fun to buy stuff for a little girl...although she probably isnt that little anymore.
If we were "we," we'd have held each other's hands which we were never able to do. i barely even talk to him. I wonder how his hands felt.
If we were "we," I may have gone to hong kong with him. And I wouldn't wonder if ill ever see him again because we'll meet again for sure. if i come to think about it, of all exchange students he actually lives the closest to me. well doesnt he live somewhere near hong kong? that's just about an hour by plane...almost the same distance as my parent's province in the south.
If we were "we," I wouldn't be writing this now...because id have known how "us" had been. No ifs, just memories.
I hope this is the last ever post about him...this is really tiring me out. Entertaining silly thoughts. Id have slept soundly instead...but I didn't! I entertained "if" thoughts again. *sigh*
5comment:
*hugs*
By 
, at
10:39 AM
*hugs back* this is normal right? i sometimes tell myself "youre crazy! you have no reason to like him because you barely know him! so stop! now na."...and yet...
isn't it torture when you think about the "ifs" and the "what could have beens"?
By , at
7:23 PM
actually liking him was never easy. i always wait and wait and wait. and i end up torturing my heart and my thoughts. but thats what realy happens when you fall for someone who hasnt fallen for you. and to think that im not the only person in the world who has gone or is going through this...parang okay na lang...
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By , at
9:27 PM
