here i go again. but im not gonna rant about how i feel unpretty today...reason why i feel ignored by the last person i would want to treat me that way. because that's a lie. and i dont deserve that. and im tired of thinking that way...plus the fact that it takes me nowhere.
no this isnt one of those no-one-loves-me-because-im-not-perfect monolouges.
i am okay. i am perfect just the way i am. but i dont feel okay though. coz i want him to like me but it seems like he doesnt. but i just think that i am perfect for someone, somewhere...someday.
im trying to figure out what im feeling right now. im certainly not in my best mood now but i am not depressed either. i am not gonna pretend i dont wish he could see me in a special way and fall in like with me real enough to show me i matter to him. (oh no! what are these tears for?...) but since not all wishes come true...and since i will never ever have the courage to take the risk of professing to him, then the only thing left to do is let go. coz really, he used to make me feel he'd want to be friends with me but now i feel he's ignoring me. must be because when he talks to me before (oh no...stop tears!) i talk to him back with three-word sentences pretending as if im neutral to him, like i dont feel a thing towards him. okay it must be my fault but what can i do? im like this. when i like someone i couldnt be myself around them. im actually talking to him back comfortably at the back of my head but i dont know why i still end up with a yes or no answer, or when im lucky, i end up with a very short sentence. so it must be my fault he wont like me now but no i wont blame myself because i've had enough of this blaming.
im really losing hope in us.
like i've lost hopes before.
but i cant really blame myself for something i couldnt have, right? that's just the way things go sometimes. but this is a good start. maybe now that i'm learning to love myself, someone i love can learn to love me as well. and i didnt really lose something...someone, coz i never really had him...
what i really fear most is to die wihout ever feeling very much loved. no not the kind like that from my family or friends because i had the best of that. but the kind coming from the person i care so much for him to be the subject of my innumerable monologues, and the reason for the thousand tears i've cried. im scared of dying without ever holding hands with someone i am so proud to be beside with. i'm scared of not knowing how it is to find happiness in silence beside someone without ever having to utter a word to each other. i'm scared i might end up with the person who i cant love that much but has to be with because there's not that much choice. i'm scared. and the more days that passes without any sign of that special someone, the more scared i get.
*sigh*tear*sigh*tear*sigh*tear*sigh*
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How to make a Falling Star |
Ingredients: 1/2 cup of naivety 3/4 cup of laughter 1/4 cup & 1 tsp. of insecurity |
Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of sadness. Sprinkle a bit of craziness (it's not complete without that!). Serve chilled with a smile. And recently, i discovered that if you add a pinch of faith, it'll be a lot better. Yum!*Do not overindulge!* |
When i lost you, I was the one who loved you most, but between us you lost more. For someday I can love someone the way that i loved you but you will never be loved again the way that i did...
everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. illness, injury, failures, love lost, memories of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of one's soul. without the small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. it would be safe and comfortable but uttery pointless...
do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others, it is because we are different that each of us is special...
do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. by living your life, one day at a time, you live all the days of your life...
do not be afraid to encounter risks, it is by taking risks that we learn how to be brave...
do not run through life so fast that you forget, not only where you have been, but also where you are going...
Humankind get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again...
We cannot make anyone love us. All we can do is let ourselves be loved.
"If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive." - Eleonora Duse
"This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends." - Euripedes
"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." - George Iles
The hardest thing to do is to watch someone you love, love someone else.
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then its not the end.
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Men are not worthy of precious tears, they just make us look terrible...
Its amazing the things you realize when you lose someone; you get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could've a million times, you take for grantd the days doing nothing when you could have been with them. anyone can be taken at anytime in our lives, but we always wait until theyre gone to say the things we never had the courage to before
Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if i wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along...
in the movie "in the mood for love," if someone had a secret they didnt want to share, they go up to a mountain, find a tree, carve a hole in it and whisper the secret into the hole...then they cover it with mud, leaving the secret there forever...
this is my hole...