it still feels like yesterday when i had this whole day of SOBfest with my bestfriend after finding out my UCC (ultimate college crush) and my friend are...well...you know. i dont remember anymore how many rolls of tissue i've consumed but it sure didnt feel like a year ago.
a lot has happened since then...
i have learned to accept the fact that maybe my friend was just too young to realize that it would hurt me big time to just suddenly find out she's with the guy i was ranting to her about for months. summer came and i met *a**h (haha!), fell in like again (which by the way was not my fault this time because it was him who did all these nice and sweet things to me like carrying my things, paying for my photocopy, walking home with me after our afternoon classes...), got my heart broken, and after innumerable rolls of tissue, i realized that hearts can heal faster than we think they could.
then i found out i wont be graduating with my batchmates because i got accepted in this scholarship. now im here, having friday movie nights with girls i never even thought i'd meet and be friends with...and (surprise!surprise!) falling in like all over again despite my promise to never allow any guy to cause my heart to make somersaults while im here.
then i got this utterly sad news from home that lolo will never ever be physically present anymore after months when he was diagnosed with cancer. *tears*
and just last month, i turned twenty one. i'm soOo not a teen anymore (in theory, that is). from now on i will be twenty-something and it wont be long until my age wont even be on the calendar...
*sigh*
everything just seems to move so fast. days pass by in a snap, and hours pass like they never even came.
its sometimes comforting to know that when we're in the dumps, we wont stay there long because before we know it, were smiling back again. but sometimes, it is scary. maybe its just me. it scares me that no matter how i plan my "tomorrows," none of it will turn out exactly the way i conceive it. and it scares me that i have no power to freeze time when i see something dreadful coming. like this february, my seminar class (that one where everyone else is japanese and im the only exchange student) decided WITHOUT my consent that i will be singing in the farewell party for the graduating students. my only hope is that its not a solo performance because THAT IS SUICIDE...no, nOt suicide but deliberate homicide. seriously though, some things are really terrifying...like dying without having a taste of your dream, or being the person you swear youll never become, or letting time pass while willingly allowing this someone, you wish to be with, walk away. because time moves so fast that without really intending it, you let some important things pass and before you know it, you missed the chance.
then again, if i come to think about it, it doesnt make any sense to be petrified about the future. if there's one thing i should know by now, it is that no matter how messy and horrible things may seem, everything ends up okay in the end...and that most of my fears are illogical. turns out, i need not fear after all. like when i was a kid, i used to fear going to high school. i dont know, coz they get loads of homework and i see my sister practicing speech all the time. i dont really know. there's just something in me that fears change...*sigh*
everything does moves soOo fast, but i'm sure i'll do just fine.
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How to make a Falling Star |
Ingredients: 1/2 cup of naivety 3/4 cup of laughter 1/4 cup & 1 tsp. of insecurity |
Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of sadness. Sprinkle a bit of craziness (it's not complete without that!). Serve chilled with a smile. And recently, i discovered that if you add a pinch of faith, it'll be a lot better. Yum!*Do not overindulge!* |
When i lost you, I was the one who loved you most, but between us you lost more. For someday I can love someone the way that i loved you but you will never be loved again the way that i did...
everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. illness, injury, failures, love lost, memories of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of one's soul. without the small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. it would be safe and comfortable but uttery pointless...
do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others, it is because we are different that each of us is special...
do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. by living your life, one day at a time, you live all the days of your life...
do not be afraid to encounter risks, it is by taking risks that we learn how to be brave...
do not run through life so fast that you forget, not only where you have been, but also where you are going...
Humankind get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again...
We cannot make anyone love us. All we can do is let ourselves be loved.
"If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive." - Eleonora Duse
"This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends." - Euripedes
"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." - George Iles
The hardest thing to do is to watch someone you love, love someone else.
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then its not the end.
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Men are not worthy of precious tears, they just make us look terrible...
Its amazing the things you realize when you lose someone; you get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could've a million times, you take for grantd the days doing nothing when you could have been with them. anyone can be taken at anytime in our lives, but we always wait until theyre gone to say the things we never had the courage to before
Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if i wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along...
in the movie "in the mood for love," if someone had a secret they didnt want to share, they go up to a mountain, find a tree, carve a hole in it and whisper the secret into the hole...then they cover it with mud, leaving the secret there forever...
this is my hole...