its 26th of december. somehow i feel im not too far from God. somehow it feels like right now, im supposed to be where i am...that somehow things are okay. somehow it feels like i have nothing to worry about...that somehow i am part of this family. and im so glad i have them here in tokyo while my family is miles away from me.
but back to the big WHY...
i cant hope of being with him because...for one, i have always hoped of being with a Filipino. its just that with a filipino, i can express to him all my thoughts, all my feelings...no language barrier...less reason for things to be left unsaid. a filipino guy can understand me better. a filipino guy will...just know. same culture, almost the same beliefs--less complicated. who wants things to be complicated anyway?
in less than 9 months, we'll separate ways. once i board that plane back home, i doubt if ill ever see him again. why invest too much emotions in something im not sure will stay? that spells more pain. why do i have a penchant for things that will only hurt me anyway? stupid stupid me.
even if there's a possibility of seeing him. he'll still be away for years. he lives in china and studies in england, while im back home. okay maybe were not too far from each other, hey we're still underneath the same sky...but the thing is, i'm not rich. i cant just go visit him whenever i feel like it. even if i have the money to get to see him in england, in the philippines, i can use that amount to feed a hundred homeless kids for weeks. imagine how guilty i'd feel supposed i take that trip. i'd be guilty and broke after that--not a very happy situation to be in.
lets suppose we end up together before the end of this scholarship...okay then there comes an us. but how long will that 'us' last? do long distance relationships really work out? i will be in my last year of college while he'll be on his third year. i will be very busy doing thesis, then after that, ill be occupied with finding a job. and if im lucky and do land on my dream job itll take most of my time, atleast for the first year while im still adjusting. but while im going through all that harrassment and torture, will he be patient and faithful enough to make it last a bit longer? imagine the teeny-weeny possibility of there being an us multiplied by the close to zero probability of him learning to love me deep enough to be willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationship last long? that's 1 in a trillion. *deepdeepsigh*...i just want to be with someone i can spend time with.
and my number one requirement is for my special someone to have faith in God. i cant be with someone who doesnt believe in Him. i just cant...period. but him...well, he's chinese. i dont think he believes in God. that's a deadend.
not to mention, he's too tall for me...not that height matters.
aaargh.
falling star...i would not give up hope just yet. I mean if anything you could have a wonderful 9 month relationship...and who knows maybe you two will madly in love with eachother and things will work out again down the road when everything is lined up in your lifes. I mean if anything...maybe he can show you some things to look for or what not to look for in future relationships. I mean I know its always nice to find that perfect one right away...but dear.. its hit and miss. I'm not saying a one night stand...heaven's no...but maybe you guys can enjoy each others company for 9 months..I say give it a shot...and who knows maybe he will not be able to live without you and move to the phillipines (bad spell) you never know...*smile* Hope you had a wonderful xmas!
hi falling star! take things one step at a time. though it's practical to think of the future, sometimes, it's best to live things as they come. don't worry muna about all the what-ifs. you'll miss out on a lot if you always keep those in mind.
it's really a hard decision and it involves a lot of risk. but in matters such as these, you can't be totally sure of anything. you can't be sure that he will remain faithful; you can't be sure that he won't make the effort to see you as often as his finances could; you can't be sure that he won't convert and believe in God; you can't be sure that it's not going to work.
give it a shot. at least if all else fails, you can always say that you tried. then you can live without any regrets ... no what ifs. :)
happy holidays!!!
-broken wings :D
By Anonymous, at 8:05 PM
you guys...thanks a lot. you made me smile. *sigh*. its just that...i dont know what to think anymore. im totally clueless about love. i like him but...im just thinking...aargh...i dont know. haaay...
ok so give up! but here's the thing..are you gonna spend your life thinking what if? what if? what if?
lalaalalalaa.... *hugs pa rin
(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
How to make a Falling Star |
Ingredients: 1/2 cup of naivety 3/4 cup of laughter 1/4 cup & 1 tsp. of insecurity |
Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of sadness. Sprinkle a bit of craziness (it's not complete without that!). Serve chilled with a smile. And recently, i discovered that if you add a pinch of faith, it'll be a lot better. Yum!*Do not overindulge!* |
When i lost you, I was the one who loved you most, but between us you lost more. For someday I can love someone the way that i loved you but you will never be loved again the way that i did...
everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. illness, injury, failures, love lost, memories of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of one's soul. without the small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. it would be safe and comfortable but uttery pointless...
do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others, it is because we are different that each of us is special...
do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. by living your life, one day at a time, you live all the days of your life...
do not be afraid to encounter risks, it is by taking risks that we learn how to be brave...
do not run through life so fast that you forget, not only where you have been, but also where you are going...
Humankind get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again...
We cannot make anyone love us. All we can do is let ourselves be loved.
"If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive." - Eleonora Duse
"This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends." - Euripedes
"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." - George Iles
The hardest thing to do is to watch someone you love, love someone else.
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then its not the end.
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Men are not worthy of precious tears, they just make us look terrible...
Its amazing the things you realize when you lose someone; you get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could've a million times, you take for grantd the days doing nothing when you could have been with them. anyone can be taken at anytime in our lives, but we always wait until theyre gone to say the things we never had the courage to before
Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if i wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along...
in the movie "in the mood for love," if someone had a secret they didnt want to share, they go up to a mountain, find a tree, carve a hole in it and whisper the secret into the hole...then they cover it with mud, leaving the secret there forever...
this is my hole...