i waited for my groupmate for hours at doutor cafe. i already finished reading wander girl (by tweet sering. one of those short novels by summit books ^_^) but my groupmate is still nowhere in sight. which was actually nice coz he'd have found me crying like crazy.
that was probably the first time i cried without really knowing why.
i dont know if it was the novel.
coz in the novel, helen said something to her little sister, hannah, "sweetie? how did you become this way? you were just this little baby i carried and now you're supergirl! why? why are you supergirl?". i can never understand my sister. (okay perfect...now am crying.) its just that, that remark sounds very much like ate. i have no idea why she thinks i'm this wondergirl. it would sometimes embarrass me coz she talks a lot about me to her friends... na "ahh..she can drive now! naunahan pako!!!", "ah si kL she got this scholarship again," "my sister's US/CS again."...*tears*. i miss my sister soo much. i can never understand why she thinks that way about me when it was her i adore so much.
when i was a kid, i always wanted to be ate. in highschool, the teachers can rememer me easily because im "kitty pie's sister." i dont know if it was her weird name that makes the teachers remember her, but im sure it was more than that. and it doesnt bother me that i'm just "kitty pie's sister"...im actually contented just being that. im really shallow...little things make me happy. (oh no...why am i sobbing now?!stop crying..you have a journal to finish!).*deepdeepsigh* i miss her soo much. i miss sharing beds with her and waking up at night but pretending im still sleeping while letting my sister put my blanket back and kissing me on my cheeks (coz going to med school keeps her awake until the wee hours studying). i used to wish i had an older brother but what would i need it for when i have an older brother and sister in my ate?! okay enough about ate or ill just cry non-stop...
there was also something in the novel about God. how Hilda almost lost her faith but in the end realized that she just cant unbelieve in something she believed in all along. its just that sometimes, i feel like am not being the christian Jesus would wish me to be. especially these past days. i rarely attend mass anymore. i dont pray that often anymore. i dont know. it feels like something's missing now.
another probable reason could be that, i just felt these past days have been quite demanding on me. there's just soo much to do with so little time. or that i actually have time, i just let it pass doing nothing when i should be doing my responsibilities. and the tears were possibly because it felt good sitting there reading, not worrying...not caring if other people in the cafe would wonder why the heck im crying that hard (with occassional pagsinga)...
or maybe i just miss home too much. i really miss home like super recently. while doing something i'd just suddenly have these images of katipunan or papa's kotse or sm supersale (where we always do our every sunday grocery), or whatever image from home, appear in my thoughts. and inside i would cry. i miss home.
and i miss christmas. yes there are christmas lights in some places here...malls, especially. but its not the same. i could NOT feel its christmas at all. and it makes me awfully sad because its my favorite time of the year and now it feels like i'll be missing it this year.
i really dont know why i cried. all i know is that something about me in that cafe is still with me now. im still not okay.
'Is this the right place to stay. Please my wings fly me away.'-- flown away, L.M.
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(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
How to make a Falling Star |
Ingredients: 1/2 cup of naivety 3/4 cup of laughter 1/4 cup & 1 tsp. of insecurity |
Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of sadness. Sprinkle a bit of craziness (it's not complete without that!). Serve chilled with a smile. And recently, i discovered that if you add a pinch of faith, it'll be a lot better. Yum!*Do not overindulge!* |
When i lost you, I was the one who loved you most, but between us you lost more. For someday I can love someone the way that i loved you but you will never be loved again the way that i did...
everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. illness, injury, failures, love lost, memories of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of one's soul. without the small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. it would be safe and comfortable but uttery pointless...
do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others, it is because we are different that each of us is special...
do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. by living your life, one day at a time, you live all the days of your life...
do not be afraid to encounter risks, it is by taking risks that we learn how to be brave...
do not run through life so fast that you forget, not only where you have been, but also where you are going...
Humankind get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again...
We cannot make anyone love us. All we can do is let ourselves be loved.
"If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive." - Eleonora Duse
"This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends." - Euripedes
"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." - George Iles
The hardest thing to do is to watch someone you love, love someone else.
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then its not the end.
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Men are not worthy of precious tears, they just make us look terrible...
Its amazing the things you realize when you lose someone; you get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could've a million times, you take for grantd the days doing nothing when you could have been with them. anyone can be taken at anytime in our lives, but we always wait until theyre gone to say the things we never had the courage to before
Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if i wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along...
in the movie "in the mood for love," if someone had a secret they didnt want to share, they go up to a mountain, find a tree, carve a hole in it and whisper the secret into the hole...then they cover it with mud, leaving the secret there forever...
this is my hole...