..at excelsior, shinjuku. 9:30 am. 06.14.05
i sometimes have to remind myself that im an Economics major because i get upset whenever i realize that my nihongo's not getting any better. :(
i didnt go to bekkan today. neither did i go yesterday. woke up late yesterday and figured i wont make it in class and now i realized that i need a lot of making up to do so im studying by myself. but before real studying i need to warm up so im getting my writing and coffee fix first.
staple in my bag
i remember also applying at the university of santo thomas for college. i passed my choices, accounting and journalism. what if i pursued journalism instead of economics? i think i have a writer soul in me. ^^ i write my thoughts anywhere: on tissue papers, leaves, on receipts, on candy wrappers, on that piece of paper Mcdo always have on top of their trays, etc. but now i always have a notepad and a pen in my bag. no more writing on random things. its dangerous though. if i lose this notepad and it ends up in the wrong hands...my life will be in jeopardy! then again, its not like i dont transfer most of what i write here on my online journ.
i need to fake it
why do i keep an online journ anyway? if this is my hole, would it not be more secret if i keep it in the privacy of my notepad? ive no idea how its started. its only me who knows at first and then i started sharing it to friends i trust. the problem with keeping an online journ is when i write, the thoughts just flow from my pen and i have trouble separating public from private thoughts. i mean i write as if no one else can read me. sure i still keep some thoughts to myself but most of what comes to mind, i write. i have to start giving people fake names and i have to have a pseudonym or ill be in trouble.
the perks of it all
but if theres two nice things out of this online diary thing its that 1. it has broken communication walls that can potentially distance me from my close friends: those i dont see at the moment and those i am with now; 2. it lowers the probability of me dying from a heart attack because i have an outlet for my thoughts and feelings and friends who assures me from time to time that what im feeling is normal and that they understand. ^^
distressed damsel in excelsior
i thought this is one of the best places to study, but this man beside me is starting to scare me. he talks to himself out loud and now he's staring at my book. i swear ill scream my heart out if he starts talking to me. okay im being paranoid.
thomasian journalist?
anyway...if i were a Journalism major in UST, id probably be a graduate by now. id be a thomasian nd not a upian. id be wearing a conservative uniform in college. but i love being a upian. i love having a huge campus thats open to practically everyone.
now that i think about it, i have a really cool campus. it has a hostel, a village for up faculties, a mini hospital, a sunken garden for flying kites, a park with a lagoon and a dangerous swing (^^), theaters, a film center with the coolest free films shown from time to time, buko juisan and fishballan everywhere, the best isawan, two churches, ippai cheap carinderias and nice restaurants too (Choco Kiss and Tree House), book shops with fresh ideas from fresh writers, a shopping center (that is technically 2/5 photocopying and binding shops, 2/5 computer shops, 1/5 goodie shops), free parking lots, and it has trees everywhere. plus we can go to school in heels or in flip flops or in hideous sleepers, or in tube, tank tops...GR even goes to class in his pambahay shirt and short as if he just woke up and realized he has class, grabbed a notebook and drove to UP...and no one minds.
i never really given it a thought because even when i wasnt studying in UP yet, i always lived there. its just a few minutes from home and as my campus is open to everyone, my family went to my university's church eversince i was a kid. Papa is a lay minister in that church. and that church has practically seen me grow up (not physically though coz i stopped growing when i turned 13 :/).
yeah...i wont trade being a upian for anything. besides if i were a Journalism major now, i wouldnt be here...and not meet all these great people...
and not to mention, every december of every year...you get to see naked college fraternity men running naked around Palma Hall. they dont do it because theyre perverted...the Oblation Run actually has more to it than meets the eye.
i dont know if i can consider myself lucky or unlucky...because in all the years ive been in UP, i havent ever witnessed an actual Oblation Run. in first year, i had a research paper to cram. in second year, we were having an exam at the exact time. and in third year, we were dismissed late in class and when we got there, its all done. i wonder what will happen this year...hmmm.
missing UP
aaaaaaah...i miss UP. now im flooded with UP memories. i have to write these down coz ill surely forget about it soon. Hehehehehehe. i am not ugly after all..i just have a stubborn heart. or maybe im ugly but likable. ^^
in first year college at UP Cebu campus, there were two boys living in the same dormitory who used to like me. both got my number from ate yohwee. but i only replied to one of them. but he kind of intimidated me so we didnt even became friends. ate yohwee said he went to an international school in high school and when he texts, it was always in straight english...it was just a bit intimidating back then. and the other guy...hmm...i wasnt really attracted to him. he had this song for me...aiza's pagdating ng panahon. he sure made me not a fan of that song. then i transferred campus and never saw them again.
and just last year, one of my organizations had a balloon booth at my univ's fair. being the nice member that i was, i was one of the mainstay at the booth helping make balloons and using my advertising skill ^^ at its full potential to sell our beloved balloons. one night (feb 14?), i couldnt make it to the fair because i was helping sell roses for yfc in bliss, but this guy who liked me waited for me at the booth and ended up helping my co-members. i dont know if they forced him to buy, but the following morning, my friend gave me three balloons he made himself. i dont remember if it came with a rose but it probably did. it should have melted my heart because it was very sweet...-_- but it didnt.
i can actually go to the fair, i just didnt try because i had a premonition he'd be there. why do i have to have a stubborn heart? why cant i like them? maybe i should start giving even those i dont like a chance.
but come to think about it, a simple smile from the one you like can mean more to you than a supposedly ultra sweet act from someone you have no feelings for. Life is a paradox.
no fair
the creepy guy is sleeping already. please sleep longer. i feel bad. hes not doing anything alarming to me but i wish him to leave. why can apperances be deceiving? some may look scary at first sight but theyre not really bad while some well-groomed people may appear unsuspicious and yet they can be utterly awful.
and why does Kanji have to be this hard? :( i want to read Ima Ai but it has loads of Kanji with no hiragana reading. SooO unfair.
in tagalog
by the way i have a very pathetically humiliating background display pic on my p.c...but its amusing me and i like it ^^. sya and background ko!! may dalawang maliliit syang litrato na pinagdikit ko at tiniled-->56 all in all ^^...lahat nakatitig sakin! pag-magrereact about this tagalog please...or ill die of shame. ^^
no fairey
ill probably be here on thursday too. coz fairey's on a trip and class is unbearable without her.
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By Anonymous, at 5:09 AM
(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
How to make a Falling Star |
Ingredients: 1/2 cup of naivety 3/4 cup of laughter 1/4 cup & 1 tsp. of insecurity |
Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of sadness. Sprinkle a bit of craziness (it's not complete without that!). Serve chilled with a smile. And recently, i discovered that if you add a pinch of faith, it'll be a lot better. Yum!*Do not overindulge!* |
When i lost you, I was the one who loved you most, but between us you lost more. For someday I can love someone the way that i loved you but you will never be loved again the way that i did...
everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. illness, injury, failures, love lost, memories of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of one's soul. without the small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. it would be safe and comfortable but uttery pointless...
do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others, it is because we are different that each of us is special...
do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. by living your life, one day at a time, you live all the days of your life...
do not be afraid to encounter risks, it is by taking risks that we learn how to be brave...
do not run through life so fast that you forget, not only where you have been, but also where you are going...
Humankind get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again...
We cannot make anyone love us. All we can do is let ourselves be loved.
"If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive." - Eleonora Duse
"This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends." - Euripedes
"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." - George Iles
The hardest thing to do is to watch someone you love, love someone else.
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then its not the end.
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Men are not worthy of precious tears, they just make us look terrible...
Its amazing the things you realize when you lose someone; you get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could've a million times, you take for grantd the days doing nothing when you could have been with them. anyone can be taken at anytime in our lives, but we always wait until theyre gone to say the things we never had the courage to before
Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if i wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along...
in the movie "in the mood for love," if someone had a secret they didnt want to share, they go up to a mountain, find a tree, carve a hole in it and whisper the secret into the hole...then they cover it with mud, leaving the secret there forever...
this is my hole...