i just know i would. no not heart attack from a heart break caused by a boy...although on second thought, that attacks the heart too.
ive always been healthy...except for slight fevers or tonsilitis, ive never been too sick. my family would insist that i am not kathleen when i dont have a runny nose...they tell me i always have a cold that its abnormal if they see me with no tissue at hand. i think thats an exaggeration, i do remember a lot of times when im not sneezing. it must be the pollution, i dont know. but beyond that, i think im very healthy. the only time i remember going to the hospital because i was either helpless or im not consciously aware of whats going was when i got drunk a week ago (?) and when i was around 1~2 years old and i got this candy coated peanuts stuck on my nose...its a long story...but they took me to the emergency room and it took the doctors hours to take it out of my nose...
but im so sure ill die of heart attack. like this afternoon at Excelsior with claire. i got a weird pain in my chest. ive been getting it a few times lately. like my heart would ache for a few seconds..and i had to stop and feel my chest, then after a short while ill be okay again. and no its not like that heart-skipping beat you get when your crush is around..its ache ache.
its scary. i wouldnt have minded it if i havent seen How To Deal but i did and in it, halley's friend's boyfriend died of heart attack while playing soccer (?! or was it football?). and that happens in real life...of young people -_-:
and it wasnt heart burn because im positive ive digested my food quite well. oh my...what if..?
claire touched my chest to feel it, and she said it was beating a bit fast when it should beat normally because we were resting. im not really surprised, because i used to jog with a friend and she'd tell me to learn to breathe well because whenever we jog, she could hear my breathing and she thinks its not normal..
maybe im just a little too worried.
and since im talking about hearts. i just notice i feel a lot. i mean i often feel emotions in their extremes. when im sad, i get all too sad. when im happy, i get all too happy. but i never got all too angry...yet. or too pissed off.
like this afternoon, when i found out wenwen might leave on the 28th of July i got all too sad i cried in the train on the way home. and i cried ippai when i called her up. i wish i were normal. but then again, maybe being abnormal is normal....
hmm...maybe before a heart attack could kill me, i'd die of Kanji torture first. i am starting to hate Kanji. :-_- theyre all too difficult to remember. -_-:
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How to make a Falling Star |
Ingredients: 1/2 cup of naivety 3/4 cup of laughter 1/4 cup & 1 tsp. of insecurity |
Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of sadness. Sprinkle a bit of craziness (it's not complete without that!). Serve chilled with a smile. And recently, i discovered that if you add a pinch of faith, it'll be a lot better. Yum!*Do not overindulge!* |
When i lost you, I was the one who loved you most, but between us you lost more. For someday I can love someone the way that i loved you but you will never be loved again the way that i did...
everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. illness, injury, failures, love lost, memories of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of one's soul. without the small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. it would be safe and comfortable but uttery pointless...
do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others, it is because we are different that each of us is special...
do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. by living your life, one day at a time, you live all the days of your life...
do not be afraid to encounter risks, it is by taking risks that we learn how to be brave...
do not run through life so fast that you forget, not only where you have been, but also where you are going...
Humankind get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again...
We cannot make anyone love us. All we can do is let ourselves be loved.
"If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive." - Eleonora Duse
"This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends." - Euripedes
"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." - George Iles
The hardest thing to do is to watch someone you love, love someone else.
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then its not the end.
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Men are not worthy of precious tears, they just make us look terrible...
Its amazing the things you realize when you lose someone; you get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could've a million times, you take for grantd the days doing nothing when you could have been with them. anyone can be taken at anytime in our lives, but we always wait until theyre gone to say the things we never had the courage to before
Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if i wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along...
in the movie "in the mood for love," if someone had a secret they didnt want to share, they go up to a mountain, find a tree, carve a hole in it and whisper the secret into the hole...then they cover it with mud, leaving the secret there forever...
this is my hole...