i saw his blog today and it has a new pic on it...*sigh* it was cute...or rather..."is" cute. when i talk to my friends i no longer refer to him as m.c...now its just ex-m.c. but usually its just h**gsan..more unfeeling that way.
but miryll said he's s.m.c. (= still m.c.). i guess so too but now im more careful. no more hopes. and now i will no longer get upset with myself when i cant make up logical reasons why im attracted to him because Like isnt about reason. its a feeling and its not always explainable. and its alright even if he doesnt like me. like isnt about expecting someone to like you back. we like because our hearts tell us to...no agenda, no expectations.
while i was checking his blog, the most approriate song just played on my headphones: "...heart...mending on a shelf...now i sit all alone wishing all my feelings was gone....gotta get over you, nothing for me to do..."
i never really asked what he thinks or how he feels. i figured i need not ask. its been one month and a half since he saw the "i guess i like you" thingy and the only response i got from him was a thank you. not that im expecting there's more, but if he did like me (which is very unlikely) we'd have talked about it more. *sigh*. but we didnt. its like nothing happened. i did ask him to forget i ever send it, so i shouldnt be surprised.
i never really asked him out after that. or did anything at all after the video. but it was too embarrassing for me already...and it took me a lot of courage to send it...i just dont think i could have the guts to do more.
and its just so not kathleen to ask a guy out. i wasnt brought up that way. and if i did ask him out it would be my first date. *sigh*...i dont want the memory of my first date to be like that. i want to be asked out and treated special by a guy i like, and not the other way around. he seems uninterested and i dont wanna be the one chasing a guy. and what if i ask him out and he'd ask everyone else to come just like when yuri asked him out...id be crushed.
SiGH.
my sis sent me a letter recently and written on it was one of the nicest quotes ive ever came across to before:
"In God's time you'll fall in love for the right reasons...with the right person...when that time comes...that love will be worth the Long wait...the tears and the pain...then youll forget you ever cried."
i hope so too. i guess i just have to patiently wait for the one who will accept me for me and who will like me from head to toe. ^^
i was searching my wallet and also came across this letter of quotes i got from my sis a year and a half ago...first time i fell hard for a wrong wrong guy...*sigh* here goes...
"sometimes in our relentless efforts to find the person we love, we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us. we miss out on so many beautiful things and simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns. do not let the bitterness rare away your strength and weaken you faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you, but rather let you grow with wisdom in bearing it.
you may have found peace in just loving someone from a distance not expecting anything in return. but be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow. we can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today.
there comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. this feeling soon becomes part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. the sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just friendship...dont be so bitter about it. letting go is setting yourself free from all bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart.
sometimes we start our desperate attempts to get noticed and be closer to a certain person but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ouselves. you dont have to forget someone you love. what you need to learn is to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving. dont let your heart run your life. be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well.
always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow. if you lose love that doesnt mean you failed in love. cry, if you have to, but make sure that the tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left you. let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. and when it does, pray that it may be that love that will stay and last a lifetime.
when i lost you, i was the one who loved you most, but between us you lost more. for someday i can love someone the way that i loved you but you will never be loved again the way that i did."
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By Anonymous, at 6:34 AM
(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
How to make a Falling Star |
Ingredients: 1/2 cup of naivety 3/4 cup of laughter 1/4 cup & 1 tsp. of insecurity |
Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of sadness. Sprinkle a bit of craziness (it's not complete without that!). Serve chilled with a smile. And recently, i discovered that if you add a pinch of faith, it'll be a lot better. Yum!*Do not overindulge!* |
When i lost you, I was the one who loved you most, but between us you lost more. For someday I can love someone the way that i loved you but you will never be loved again the way that i did...
everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. illness, injury, failures, love lost, memories of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of one's soul. without the small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. it would be safe and comfortable but uttery pointless...
do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others, it is because we are different that each of us is special...
do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. by living your life, one day at a time, you live all the days of your life...
do not be afraid to encounter risks, it is by taking risks that we learn how to be brave...
do not run through life so fast that you forget, not only where you have been, but also where you are going...
Humankind get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again...
We cannot make anyone love us. All we can do is let ourselves be loved.
"If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive." - Eleonora Duse
"This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends." - Euripedes
"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." - George Iles
The hardest thing to do is to watch someone you love, love someone else.
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then its not the end.
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Men are not worthy of precious tears, they just make us look terrible...
Its amazing the things you realize when you lose someone; you get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could've a million times, you take for grantd the days doing nothing when you could have been with them. anyone can be taken at anytime in our lives, but we always wait until theyre gone to say the things we never had the courage to before
Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if i wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along...
in the movie "in the mood for love," if someone had a secret they didnt want to share, they go up to a mountain, find a tree, carve a hole in it and whisper the secret into the hole...then they cover it with mud, leaving the secret there forever...
this is my hole...