i was never a library person. i think i am more efficient studying in a coffeeshop...or when its really late at night and everyone else is sleeping already (except my sister because were almost always awake studying together). i remember since high school when its almost time for periodical exams, after i got home from class, i would be idle for a while and then id sleep and ill ask mama or usually papa (coz he comes home late from work) to wake me up at around 12~1 and thats my study time until morning or up until how long a few cups of coffee could keep me awake.
i dont know what it is about coffeeshops but no matter how noisy it may be inside, i can shut my ear from the noise and actually concentrate on studying. whereas inside libraries, the silence is just deafening and the environment just lulls me to sleep. it must be the smell of books, or the monotonous appearance of everyone looking seriously absorbed inside their own books, or maybe the lack of color of most library rooms...but whatever it is, library is just not a study place for me. i could read like harry pottter but never study-study books. there was one time when i tried to study in the library, moments after, i was already under a sleeping spell and to rescue myself from sleeping i scribbled atom's name all over my econ11 book with my green highlighter (atom= person; milo advertisement guy who's a student in my university; who i had an infantile crush ages ago; from pisay; plays soccer; member of stand-up and ran for council--okay enough information for an infinitisimal crush)...but it didnt work, i still fell asleep.
this whole thing about me being able to write my thoughts again no matter how trivial they are makes me happy. just goes to show that i am moving on now and that i could actually think of things other than ex-m.c. okay now im contradicting myself. i think about something for a minute and then my thoughts would lead me back to him again.
just how ironic is that?
its difficult to explain it. but as far as i know, i am now 80% over him, maybe even 90%...i actually formed this "we-hate-ex-m.c." club with me as a member (and 3/4 Mi okashi?) and all we do is notice all there is that's not-to-like about ex m.c. when those not-to-like things appear. and no its not out of bitterness.... its just maybe when you stop liking someone, he also stops being perfect in your eyes.
he can be insensitive sometimes and crazy about Koreans. and somehow i still cant get over the you-shocked-me-from-the-busy thingy. but i wont get into all that. he may seem like a jerk but still...i liked him at one point so i should just keep to myself whatever i find unlikable in him.
i probably said many times over that "this will be the last ever entry mentioning ex-m.c." but its always followed by the next entry promising the same thing, and so on. i shouldnt force myself to hurry move on. one day ill wake up totally over it. but for now,its okay to be human..and humans dont let go of things that fast...even if all there is left are bruises from the big fall on the ground.
i still find it dangerous-slash-strange-slash-amazing how out of the blue, without warning and without a logical reason, we just suddenly fall for someone. of all the people surrounding us, someone suddenly stand out from the crowd and we notice and give meaning to even the littlest action of the person. then we find ourselves helplessly falling and trying to make up reasons why our hearts are beating for that particular someone.
usually the person's not the best looking, not the nicest, he can be insensitive or he can even be stupid and yet, its him. its him that you see. and its dangerous because its like giving someone a license to hurt you and no amount of preparation can save you from the possibility of getting broken. its scary because when you fall out of balance, you are not sure if he will be there to catch you just in time, and in my case, they usually dont.
i started writing this at excelsior cafe and now im in here...sitting at the no smoking area seat of Ichigaya train station, cross-legged, looking over the river, and allowing at least 15 trains to pass by me. its very tirvial and yet i cant stop writing.
perhaps ill never be a library person..and i can also never be forever a member of "anti-love" club...maybe i never was.
***i still dont believe my luck. today i bought my 4th umbrella while my other three are all perfectly healthy and hanging prettily somewhere in my room. i dont get it why it has to rain when i dont ahve any umbrella with me. talk about being very lucky***
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(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
How to make a Falling Star |
Ingredients: 1/2 cup of naivety 3/4 cup of laughter 1/4 cup & 1 tsp. of insecurity |
Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of sadness. Sprinkle a bit of craziness (it's not complete without that!). Serve chilled with a smile. And recently, i discovered that if you add a pinch of faith, it'll be a lot better. Yum!*Do not overindulge!* |
When i lost you, I was the one who loved you most, but between us you lost more. For someday I can love someone the way that i loved you but you will never be loved again the way that i did...
everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. illness, injury, failures, love lost, memories of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of one's soul. without the small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. it would be safe and comfortable but uttery pointless...
do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others, it is because we are different that each of us is special...
do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. by living your life, one day at a time, you live all the days of your life...
do not be afraid to encounter risks, it is by taking risks that we learn how to be brave...
do not run through life so fast that you forget, not only where you have been, but also where you are going...
Humankind get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again...
We cannot make anyone love us. All we can do is let ourselves be loved.
"If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive." - Eleonora Duse
"This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends." - Euripedes
"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." - George Iles
The hardest thing to do is to watch someone you love, love someone else.
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then its not the end.
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Men are not worthy of precious tears, they just make us look terrible...
Its amazing the things you realize when you lose someone; you get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could've a million times, you take for grantd the days doing nothing when you could have been with them. anyone can be taken at anytime in our lives, but we always wait until theyre gone to say the things we never had the courage to before
Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if i wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along...
in the movie "in the mood for love," if someone had a secret they didnt want to share, they go up to a mountain, find a tree, carve a hole in it and whisper the secret into the hole...then they cover it with mud, leaving the secret there forever...
this is my hole...