like most sunday nights, at past eleven i was walking home again. tonight i talked to God while walking.
i am not a good Christian...but i want to be a good one.
in my university at home, we have a serene chapel and most days i would go there in between or after my classes...and just talk to God. id tell Him my dreams, my fears, what happened to my day, or my class...id tell him about my recent crush..id tell him anything that comes to mind. and i would go home feeling safe and calm.
i cant explain why i had such faith in God. i am a member of youth for Christ at home and i love it when we have huge gatherings and sing praises to Him or listen to some individuals share how their lives were changed or how they view life. its both enlightening and inspiring. but in our community's gatherings..when its just us..me and my parent's friends' kids and other youth in our community, i am often missing in action. i dont want to attend. i dont want to have to speak in the middle and share my relationship with God. because its personal..its supposed to be just between Him and me. i dont know how to put it in words....and im scared that if i say the wrong thing i might affect other people's view of God in the way i wouldnt have wanted to.
i still have faith in Him. but recently i feel soo far away from Him. i rarely pray anymore...and when i do, i dont feel His presence. i feel lost. i know He listens...i just couldnt feel it. i would ask him what happend to us...what happened to me. no answer. but i know that God is real no matter how i feel.
maybe at one point, my life was moving almost perfectly well...that i had no worries or fears to share with Him...and that was when i stopped talking. i say thank you in short prayers, but it wasnt enough. and when things started going haywire again...i know i wanted to talk to Him again but i already forgot how i used to pray. nakakahiya kase ngayon lang ako babalik. i really miss talking to him in prayer.
so tonight i tried talking to Him the way i used to.
i told him how im a big dreamer. i would orchestrate almost perfect scenes in my head. even when they never really happen, i never stop day dreaming. i would reorganize the scene again. then it doesnt come true. Again. id revise another scene. But Nothing. and the cycle went on. and i got tired so tonight i asked Him how come He never makes my fantasies come true...even when He knows it'll make me cry not having them.
and it struck me. if my life were like that, if all my day dreams happen right when i wish they would...how dull my life could have been. if all my expectations come true...if all my predictions were right...i wouldNT truly be happy as i thought id be because then there'd be no surprises. my life follows a pattern i conceived myself and it would be boring..and really meaningless.
so next time a daydream doesnt happen...i wont be upset anymore. if i could conceive a perfect scene for my life...how more perfect is God's plan for me. ^^
i wish God finds me soon. i dont wanna be lost forever.
God has already found you. You just need to open up ur eyes to see the subtle things that God has done in your life and thank Him for them. Sometimes, even the most insignificant things may be placed there by God hence you do not notice these little blessings! ;)
can really relate..used to talk to Him a lot before..then suddenly i gave up..i was lost..now im trying to find Him..some days i do..but some days i get lost again..i wish He finds me too..
hope you remembered me..you used to bounce by my blog before..just bouncin around =)
By 4:56 PM, at
(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
|How to make a Falling Star|
1/2 cup of naivety
3/4 cup of laughter
1/4 cup & 1 tsp. of insecurity
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of sadness. Sprinkle a bit of craziness (it's not complete without that!). Serve chilled with a smile. And recently, i discovered that if you add a pinch of faith, it'll be a lot better. Yum!*Do not overindulge!*
When i lost you, I was the one who loved you most, but between us you lost more. For someday I can love someone the way that i loved you but you will never be loved again the way that i did...
everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. illness, injury, failures, love lost, memories of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of one's soul. without the small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. it would be safe and comfortable but uttery pointless...
do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others, it is because we are different that each of us is special...
do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. by living your life, one day at a time, you live all the days of your life...
do not be afraid to encounter risks, it is by taking risks that we learn how to be brave...
do not run through life so fast that you forget, not only where you have been, but also where you are going...
Humankind get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again...
We cannot make anyone love us. All we can do is let ourselves be loved.
"If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive." - Eleonora Duse
"This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends." - Euripedes
"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." - George Iles
The hardest thing to do is to watch someone you love, love someone else.
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then its not the end.
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Men are not worthy of precious tears, they just make us look terrible...
Its amazing the things you realize when you lose someone; you get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could've a million times, you take for grantd the days doing nothing when you could have been with them. anyone can be taken at anytime in our lives, but we always wait until theyre gone to say the things we never had the courage to before
Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if i wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along...