a few minutes ago...i wrote a letter to m.c...but this letter is a close one, in that i never intend for him to read this. one risk is enough. i dont intend to break me more.
M.C.,
I feel like crying now. Because i thought, once i send you that video...once you Know, something wonderful would happen. I've really been waiting for that "something wonderful"...for that "miracle" for a long time now...but nothing happened...and you dont seem to care. it really hurts me.
you asked why. howcome. i dont really know. like i said, it just happened. if hearts can be taught how to not feel certain things or to stop feeling, id have taught my heart already because i know it will only break it. id have stopped feeling but i couldnt. it kept on growing. and the more it grows, the more im finding it difficult to act normal around you.
there were times that i make your picture my pc's background display pic so i'd be used to seeing you...so when i see you in person i wouldnt be as nervous anymore. but i still am. when you sign online on msn and i see your screenname come up, id get nervous and happy at the same time--just how silly is that?
i would look at you sometimes and wonder why i like you. but no rational reason comes up. when kuya or kansan or antoine or some other boy smiles, it doesnt send me this weird feeling as when i see you smile. youre not even drop-dead-handsome and yet i still like you. you hardly even talk to me and yet i still like you. when im there, you'd pass by me and ignore me like im some wall and yet i still like you. you dont even look at me as i wish you would, and yet i still like you--just how stupid am i?
i can be a really stupid woman sometimes. and a cry-baby too.
when july ends, i wont see you again. in our lives, some people are only meant to pass by...some people are only meant to walk in our lives at one point and leave us forever. but those who leave are not lost forever coz they dwell in our memories. you will be in mine, because if there's one thing i should be thankful about meeting you, it is that you unknowingly taught me how to be brave for someone...you unknowingly taught me to take risKs and be brave for the consequences. no longer will i wonder what might have been. no regrets will tear me apart because i have said what i wanted to say, when i wanted to say it...and saw the consequence. and yes, you taught me too that if i wanted badly to be with the wrong person...how much more beautiful the feeling will be when the right one comes along. maybe we were just wrong for each other...and its not your fault so i shouldnt hate you. and neither was it my fault...im not to be blamed if someone i like dont like me back, right?
i will remember you. but you will probably not remember me. the video? none of the pictures there has me. when your forty or fifty and accidentally come across that video, the face of the girl who gave you that will be as blurred as a picture soaked in water, or it will dissolve like papyrus soaked in vinegar. and its alright, because id have moved on by then, i will hurt no more.
there must be someone you like now. isnt there? its just i dont think its possible for anyone to not have even just an itsy-bitsy admiration for someone. at at least the age of twenty, there will be someone who will always cross your mind...deshou? is she from china? england? is she tall? pretty? is she lady-like? at some point you will end up with someone, i wonder how she would be like. i wonder how you two would look like together. i wanna see her face some day. i want to know why you dont like me.
yeah...you probably wont enjoy my company...i mean, im 21 and yet all i want to do for fun is climb trees, swing on playgrounds, fly a kite, walk barefoot on the grass...those things. i am too boring for you.
can i ask you one thing though? why dont you like me? was it my hair? my height? ...my weight? my face? why do i even ask..ill never know...because youll never read this letter...that video is the last one. to risk and to be brave is a good thing...but to risk some more and purposely break my heart is just not something id do.
i dont have to tell you take care, dont i? i mean u'll surely take care of yourself..even if i dont say take care in this letter. *sigh* but just the same...taKe care m.c.. bye-bye.
Kathleen.
Excellent, love it! »
By Anonymous, at 6:07 AM
(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
How to make a Falling Star |
Ingredients: 1/2 cup of naivety 3/4 cup of laughter 1/4 cup & 1 tsp. of insecurity |
Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of sadness. Sprinkle a bit of craziness (it's not complete without that!). Serve chilled with a smile. And recently, i discovered that if you add a pinch of faith, it'll be a lot better. Yum!*Do not overindulge!* |
When i lost you, I was the one who loved you most, but between us you lost more. For someday I can love someone the way that i loved you but you will never be loved again the way that i did...
everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. illness, injury, failures, love lost, memories of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of one's soul. without the small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. it would be safe and comfortable but uttery pointless...
do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others, it is because we are different that each of us is special...
do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. by living your life, one day at a time, you live all the days of your life...
do not be afraid to encounter risks, it is by taking risks that we learn how to be brave...
do not run through life so fast that you forget, not only where you have been, but also where you are going...
Humankind get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again...
We cannot make anyone love us. All we can do is let ourselves be loved.
"If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive." - Eleonora Duse
"This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends." - Euripedes
"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." - George Iles
The hardest thing to do is to watch someone you love, love someone else.
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then its not the end.
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Men are not worthy of precious tears, they just make us look terrible...
Its amazing the things you realize when you lose someone; you get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could've a million times, you take for grantd the days doing nothing when you could have been with them. anyone can be taken at anytime in our lives, but we always wait until theyre gone to say the things we never had the courage to before
Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if i wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along...
in the movie "in the mood for love," if someone had a secret they didnt want to share, they go up to a mountain, find a tree, carve a hole in it and whisper the secret into the hole...then they cover it with mud, leaving the secret there forever...
this is my hole...