i missed breakfast again. coz i slept at past 5 in the morning and told myself im just gonna take a nap and wake up for breakfast. i didnt.
what kept me up last night was..uhm...*sigh*..i edited the video i made out of his pics. i wrote a message on each slide. (should i write it here? well whats the use of having a journal if i cant write my thoughts here?!) *breathe deep* okay, it was this...
m.c...
*deep sigh* ...yes, you're m.c...
you've been m.c. for quite a long while now...
eRrr...that stood for minor crush (m.c.)...
i dont even know why im doing this...*deep sigh*
and im really sorry if this strikes you as really odd...
or if this makes you feel utterly uncomfortable...
if it does...im really sorry...i didnt even plan this...
..i mean, liking you...i didnt plan it at all...it just...happened.
one day, i just noticed i cant stand near you...without getting strangely nervous...
i just cant talk naturally to you...
(you must have thought im really silly coz most of the time you talk to me...
...i reply to you with a one or two-word sentence)
*sigh* so whenever you're around...
...i just pretend im perpetually preoccupied with my book.
or i try as much as possible to not be where you are...*sigh*
its just that...im afraid that when youre near, or if i attempt to talk to you...
i might appear too obvoius...
im scared that you'll see through me...
and im scared that the feeling might not be welcomed...*sigh*
(im really talking silly, aren't i?) *sigh*
i wasn't even supposed to send this.
you werent supposed to know...
*deep deep sigh*
then again,
well all be going away soon...
and well, i just want to act normal around you...
so i thought i'd just let you know that..
..but could you please not mind the song?
its just, theres no other song available..
so i had to make do with that...
and sorry i had to *sigh* a lot...
anyway....
i was just gonna say that...
...that i GUESS i...
...LiKE you??
*breathe deep* im just tired of wondering. and i just want to let this off my chest so i could act normal around him without hiding anything. maybe when ive said what i wanted to say, maybe after that the feeling would just melt away..maybe it just kept growing because ive been keeping it inside...maybe when its all out, then id know what he thinks...then no more guessing (coz that's the painfully exhausting part). im not even ready to be anyone's girlfriend. i just want to be his friend and act normal. i just want the normal me when he's around, and that has been quite hard to do because everytime he's near i know that there's something i know that he doesnt and im always on guard to keep it from him.
i might send it to him. soon. and i might be making a grave grave mistake. but what am i to do? ive been told many times to tell him. and it keeps on playing in my head. tell him. tell him. tell him. *breathe deep* part of me says i should just let him know. atleast there'll be no regrets. atleast id stop wondering. atleast i never had to worry about how to pretend i dont like him. and atleast i cant blame myself for wasting time, watching him slip away without knowing. but part of me says its a bad bad idea. just bad. that it would shock him. that it would totally change things. im as confused as ever. this is probably the biggest confusion of my life so far. if i can just sleep it over..and make it gone once i wake up. *huuuuuuuuuuuuu*
Cool blog, interesting information... Keep it UP » »
By Anonymous, at 11:41 PM
Keep up the good work Signature z7 primera disc printer How to remove kitchen faucet wireless tvs Breast implants and nipple rings nikki benz brake discs peugeot Phone memory card readers Pill info faq dangers phentermine xenical meridia adipex Provigil narcolepsy pill Car entertainment all in one dvd navigation stereo va loan mortgage refinancing Diet pill bloating microsoft it training Sore tongue after visit to dentist Omega cholesterol
By Anonymous, at 4:06 AM
(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
How to make a Falling Star |
Ingredients: 1/2 cup of naivety 3/4 cup of laughter 1/4 cup & 1 tsp. of insecurity |
Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of sadness. Sprinkle a bit of craziness (it's not complete without that!). Serve chilled with a smile. And recently, i discovered that if you add a pinch of faith, it'll be a lot better. Yum!*Do not overindulge!* |
When i lost you, I was the one who loved you most, but between us you lost more. For someday I can love someone the way that i loved you but you will never be loved again the way that i did...
everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. illness, injury, failures, love lost, memories of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of one's soul. without the small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. it would be safe and comfortable but uttery pointless...
do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others, it is because we are different that each of us is special...
do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. by living your life, one day at a time, you live all the days of your life...
do not be afraid to encounter risks, it is by taking risks that we learn how to be brave...
do not run through life so fast that you forget, not only where you have been, but also where you are going...
Humankind get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again...
We cannot make anyone love us. All we can do is let ourselves be loved.
"If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive." - Eleonora Duse
"This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends." - Euripedes
"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." - George Iles
The hardest thing to do is to watch someone you love, love someone else.
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then its not the end.
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Men are not worthy of precious tears, they just make us look terrible...
Its amazing the things you realize when you lose someone; you get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could've a million times, you take for grantd the days doing nothing when you could have been with them. anyone can be taken at anytime in our lives, but we always wait until theyre gone to say the things we never had the courage to before
Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if i wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along...
in the movie "in the mood for love," if someone had a secret they didnt want to share, they go up to a mountain, find a tree, carve a hole in it and whisper the secret into the hole...then they cover it with mud, leaving the secret there forever...
this is my hole...