...its just that im so tired of falling on the ground. its painful, you know?
i was looking on my "the things i like in a boy" list and i just realized...im impossible, and im looking for someone impossible that just doesnt exist. like number 8: someone who wouldn't mind travelling for 3 hours just to see me in 10 minutes. i didnt literally mean that. what i meant was someone who would tolerate going through a lot of trouble for me..even if it doesnt make sense. but that guy's unreal. no one would do that for me. at least i know mc wouldnt. mc is not number 8...
its just yesterday, i went to ueno park for sakura viewing with him and the others...and err..i was carrying this heavy-but-not-really book i got from the morning econ orientation for the coming sem that just wont fit in my bag, and since we were going out for a walk, i wouldnt want to be carrying that book all afternoon...so i, errr...i asked him if there's still space inside his bag for another book..and well, there's no more space (but it was really heavy already though...uhh..err..he made me carry it for a second to feel how heavy it was). I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I ASKED!?! stupid me. *sigh* its just that...not too long ago, someone used to offer to carry my books for me...but what was i thinking?! mc's not that someone in the past (previous three words emphasized)...plus he doesnt like me!?! DUH!!! what was i expecting anyway?
maybe i should rethink and undo my list. coz no one will ever measure up to that. now that i have come to think about it, my list is basically referring to a certain superman...someone you'ld only find in movies, or fairy tales, or love novels. but am never marrying a movie star, or a fairy tale/novel character!!!! were not movie stars. yes were all actresses and actors playing in our very own sometimes messy lives that doesnt have the perfect script nor the perfect story line...but its no movie, its real and real people sometimes have heavy bags and they just cant carry your stuff for you. *sigh* and if im imperfect myself, why expect perfection from someone else? and i maybe i should also rethink my attachment to you'll-wish-this-is-your-love-story movies that almost always make guys appear almost perfect in the end...coz that's FICTION in bold capital letters.
i am a bit scared though. coz i had soOo much fun yesterday bonding with miryll (my ever loyal blog subscriber ^_* ) and hanging out with mc and the others. (see im always saying mc and the others!?! whats up with that?! the others also have a name!!!silly falling star *sigh*). what's scary is, the only thing he did yesterday was tap my cap for a number of times and touch this cold canned drink on my left cheeks (and i even remember which side of my cheeks it was!) and yet it made me smile that silly smile all the way home. that's not good for my health...or rather my heart. almost a year ago, i was smiling that smile wihout even noticing it (sasabihin na lang ni fhilcar o ni tita eve na nakangiti na naman daw ako) but i ended up with a broken heart for months. i dont want to cry again over a heartache. but its good, right?..him being friendly somehow?
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|How to make a Falling Star|
1/2 cup of naivety
3/4 cup of laughter
1/4 cup & 1 tsp. of insecurity
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of sadness. Sprinkle a bit of craziness (it's not complete without that!). Serve chilled with a smile. And recently, i discovered that if you add a pinch of faith, it'll be a lot better. Yum!*Do not overindulge!*
When i lost you, I was the one who loved you most, but between us you lost more. For someday I can love someone the way that i loved you but you will never be loved again the way that i did...
everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. illness, injury, failures, love lost, memories of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of one's soul. without the small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. it would be safe and comfortable but uttery pointless...
do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others, it is because we are different that each of us is special...
do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. by living your life, one day at a time, you live all the days of your life...
do not be afraid to encounter risks, it is by taking risks that we learn how to be brave...
do not run through life so fast that you forget, not only where you have been, but also where you are going...
Humankind get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again...
We cannot make anyone love us. All we can do is let ourselves be loved.
"If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive." - Eleonora Duse
"This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends." - Euripedes
"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." - George Iles
The hardest thing to do is to watch someone you love, love someone else.
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then its not the end.
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Men are not worthy of precious tears, they just make us look terrible...
Its amazing the things you realize when you lose someone; you get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could've a million times, you take for grantd the days doing nothing when you could have been with them. anyone can be taken at anytime in our lives, but we always wait until theyre gone to say the things we never had the courage to before
Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if i wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along...