i left my first home in tokyo today. i was crushed. i remember crying like there's no tomorrow when i first found out im actually leaving home. i was even avoiding this topic for fear i might cry too much again. but now that i moved already, theres no point not facing the topic when its already here, is there?
i had to leave my dormitory and move to my aunt's for a number of reasons. all of which leads me to this door.
there's really nothing special about where my dorm is. musashi-urawa isnt perfect. when God decided which place in Tokyo He'd bless with shopping malls, decent parks, or any interesting place to go...musashi-urawa was sleeping so all it got was combini (convenient stores), car shops, houses, more combini, more car shops, and more houses. period. cursed place. i dont mind walking for hours but a 20 minute walk from musashi-urawa train station to my dorm is such a bore i think i can actually sleep while walking.
no...musashi-urawa is the last place yould want to go to in japan. but leaving it tore my heart because of the people who made that place a home for me.
*SiGH*
i dont know where to start. i will miss watching friends and sex and the city in pei's room. ill miss wenwen crashing in my room and sleeping there as if she doesnt have a room of her own. id miss going to her room to watch evening tv drama, eat when im hungry, or for no reason at all. id miss walking every school morning with verena. id miss studying with claire on swings, or in our shokudo. il miss having someone knock on my room when its already time for dinner. or waking me up in time for breakfast. id miss giving miryll a hug in our hallway. id miss knowing i can msn or call someone to be there for me when im sad. id miss bumping into them in the hallways wearing my i-dont-wanna-be-caught-dead-wearing-these-clothes pambahay or with my hair undone. id miss our friday movie nights. id miss getting little presents/surprises in my mailbox or posted on my door.
id miss everything. i would miss a lot. but what id really miss is just being there, sleeping at night, or just hanging in my room knowing the girls are just there in the next room. knowing theyre nearby is my "happy and comfortable thought" in Tokyo, i only need that magic dust and i could fly like peter pan just thinking about them.
i love them. i really do.
and they love me too. verena is my walking buddy. and my dinner buddy too when everyone else is missing. shes my dinner alarm clock. i know its time for dinner when someone knocks on my door when its almost evening...and i know 90% of the time, who'd be the person i'd see outside my door once i open it~verena. i know shes not a very touchy and emotional person but she hugs me when i hug her...and thats enough.
pei is like my mom in tokyo. she's one of those mom's who's always busy but tries to show you how much she cares in other ways. she has many part time jobs (one time it was three jobs all in three weeks) and shes always busy. one time she bought an earring for me because she said it was onsale and she thought id like it. and today she gave me a necklace and a ring~my bye-bye gift. i could also borrow money from her when im short and she lets me pay it anytime i can. when i first got drunk in tokyo, she was the one who patiently brought me home and took me to my room to sleep. she was intentionally planning to go to karaoke with the others but she gave it up to take me home. ill miss hanging out and watching in her room when she's not busy. pei is always missing in action but somehow...i almost always manage to see her once in a while. i slept in her room once and i just realized...i can never do that anymore...
claire...shes my very first friend in Tokyo. shes my very first "happy and comfortable thought." i know id be fine when shes there. we used to do everything together: breakfast, dinner, walk to the station, and even finance. she even cried with me when lolo died. and i cried with her when she couldnt contact her parents. we were each other's safety nets. she's one of my ego-masahistas. she was always generous with compliments to me, telling me im pretty when she thinks i am, or telling me my outfit's cute when she thinks it is. its shallow but when my hair was upsetting me because it wont let me control it, she let me borrow her iron until it broke. ^^ thats what friends are right?
wenwen...im so comfortable with her that when im hungry and dont have food in my room, i know i can just go to her room and she'll feed me. ill definitely miss having her in my bed sleeping as if its her own. i used to go to her room very early in the morning and finish my sleep with her, and we'll wake up together for breakfast. id also miss watching late night telly drama in her room. it used to be our monday night bonding session. and by around 11~11:30 we crash Seiyu (the nearest) for food and well go back to her room and resume watching tv. there was one time when we had lunch outside Seiyu...because i was going to my aunt's and i was ready to go and i cant go back to our dormitory because my stuff were heavy...so we squat outside the supermarket and had a mini-picnic. ill miss our baths and showers together. when she broke up with her boyfriend, she made me keep the things that reminds her of him...i packed it with me. and she made me cry today...because i always hug her...and i hugged her before leaving but she isnt hugging me back so i told her to hug me~~then she said "hajimete" ...she said it was her first time to hug someone..so i hugged her some more. i was her first hug~~thats just soOo makes me feel special.
and then miryll. aaaaaaaaaaaahhh..this makes me cry thinking how i often think i am unloved when i really am very much loved. if theres someone who can literally read my thoughts it would be her. i trust her with my thoughts because i know she will understand and i know she will take care of it...i know she will listen. i used to be uncomfortable standing beside her because shes so pretty and tall while im short and so-so. but im just so very grateful that i overcame that silly and shallow feeling or id have missed a lot. i dont know how it started but somehow she started to become one of the persons i cant live without in tokyo. id treasure our park trips together..where we'll just lie on the ground, read, sleep, or stare at the sky, and take pictures of whatever it is we were eating "in the sky". id treasure walking home with her while indulging on our unhealthy treat for the afternoon, one time it was ice cream, then fries, then mister donuts. i know that with her i will always be safe and taken cared of. last friday night i was soOo drunk that they took me to the hospital...and she was there until the end with me. i know i stink and was soOo gross from all the puking but she was there beside me holding me and hugging me in the train to keep me standing. and when i moved today, she was with me, taking me all the way to my train making sure im fine. when everyone else knows im moving on and getting over m.c. already, she's the only one who knows he still makes me cry. shes almost like a sister to me. coz with my sister, i know i can be stupid or a real bother but i know my sister will still be there. and Mi's almost like sis...
my heart breaks because im leaving home (pei, verena, claire, wenwen, and miryll)..but its not the end of everything...its not like im moving to another part of the world...im just 1 and a half hours train ride away. it will be just a little different...but things will be okay.
(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
How to make a Falling Star |
Ingredients: 1/2 cup of naivety 3/4 cup of laughter 1/4 cup & 1 tsp. of insecurity |
Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of sadness. Sprinkle a bit of craziness (it's not complete without that!). Serve chilled with a smile. And recently, i discovered that if you add a pinch of faith, it'll be a lot better. Yum!*Do not overindulge!* |
When i lost you, I was the one who loved you most, but between us you lost more. For someday I can love someone the way that i loved you but you will never be loved again the way that i did...
everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. illness, injury, failures, love lost, memories of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of one's soul. without the small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. it would be safe and comfortable but uttery pointless...
do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others, it is because we are different that each of us is special...
do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. by living your life, one day at a time, you live all the days of your life...
do not be afraid to encounter risks, it is by taking risks that we learn how to be brave...
do not run through life so fast that you forget, not only where you have been, but also where you are going...
Humankind get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again...
We cannot make anyone love us. All we can do is let ourselves be loved.
"If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive." - Eleonora Duse
"This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends." - Euripedes
"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." - George Iles
The hardest thing to do is to watch someone you love, love someone else.
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then its not the end.
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Men are not worthy of precious tears, they just make us look terrible...
Its amazing the things you realize when you lose someone; you get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could've a million times, you take for grantd the days doing nothing when you could have been with them. anyone can be taken at anytime in our lives, but we always wait until theyre gone to say the things we never had the courage to before
Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if i wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along...
in the movie "in the mood for love," if someone had a secret they didnt want to share, they go up to a mountain, find a tree, carve a hole in it and whisper the secret into the hole...then they cover it with mud, leaving the secret there forever...
this is my hole...