no please...dont tell me this is a deja vu. this is not happening again. this should not be happening again...please, no. NOT AGAIN.
when i got back home today, wenwen just got back too from harajuku...but i didnt see her at the station coz she was with her bike.
but this isn't about her bike (how i wish it was that simple), this is about the look in her eyes when i asked her where she went and who she was with. i was ready to hear her say she went out with mc (my nickname for richard), but no...she couldnt tell me who it was. so i just teased her that she always goes out on a date but at the back of my mind i was jealous to death. i dont know why i have a great big feeling it was him she was with today. i always had this before...this feeling. i've always suspected that she must like mc too even before i told her the secret. maybe because i see my eyes in her eyes. i see myself in her sometimes. she also has this i-dont-care-about-mc-i-hope-it's-not-obvious-im-just-pretending look about her. and like last tuesday (11.23), she didnt even tell me that she went momiji watching with him (w/ other japanese). if i hadnt mentioned it over dinner, she wouldnt have told me about it. but knowing i like him, she should have asked me to go as well even though she's sure by now that i'd say no (coz i dont like being in a group where im the only odd girl out). and everytime i rant about how i think he only likes tall and super pretty girls, she just agrees with me. okay im crazy, i say something and someone agrees with me and it makes me unhappy. its just that i wouldnt want to be right. its just that when i say that same thing to miryll or pei or claire, their reaction is different. they tell me im silly, and that i dont know about that for sure so i shouldnt worry about that.
its happening again.
i used to just talk about chocolate (my nick for mike [not for anything else other than his complexion resembles that of chocolates]) to kate. i blab about him and she doesnt even know who im talking about. trimming the painful process that lead me to a devastating news, i just found out that the two of them are together already. i felt like i was stabbed. i felt like something in me broke into a million pieces that i cant even gather the energy to think of how to glue the pieces of me together. i literally cried the whole day at up lagoon with my highschool bestfriend. i would pause for a minute then cry again. i just couldnt believe my fate. it felt like the heaven just realized im not charming enough that it doesnt care anymore if my soul got crushed as long as their more charming creature by the name of kate is happy and smiling.
i have gotten over that already...but im afraid its happening again. then again, if wenwen really likes him, what's there left for me to do anyway? i cant tell someone to stop falling in like with someone because it would hurt my feelings. if i cant teach my heart to follow reason, what luck do i have with wenwen's heart? oh my. *sigh*sigh*sigh* no please, not again.
this is the problem with falling in like. one incident that involves your favorite guy and another girl inevitably leads you to these atrocious thoughts that scares no one else but you...when for all you know, they could just be plain friends.
(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
(hehehehe...in random order...^_^)
How to make a Falling Star |
Ingredients: 1/2 cup of naivety 3/4 cup of laughter 1/4 cup & 1 tsp. of insecurity |
Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of sadness. Sprinkle a bit of craziness (it's not complete without that!). Serve chilled with a smile. And recently, i discovered that if you add a pinch of faith, it'll be a lot better. Yum!*Do not overindulge!* |
When i lost you, I was the one who loved you most, but between us you lost more. For someday I can love someone the way that i loved you but you will never be loved again the way that i did...
everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. illness, injury, failures, love lost, memories of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of one's soul. without the small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. it would be safe and comfortable but uttery pointless...
do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others, it is because we are different that each of us is special...
do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. by living your life, one day at a time, you live all the days of your life...
do not be afraid to encounter risks, it is by taking risks that we learn how to be brave...
do not run through life so fast that you forget, not only where you have been, but also where you are going...
Humankind get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again...
We cannot make anyone love us. All we can do is let ourselves be loved.
"If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive." - Eleonora Duse
"This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends." - Euripedes
"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." - George Iles
The hardest thing to do is to watch someone you love, love someone else.
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then its not the end.
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Men are not worthy of precious tears, they just make us look terrible...
Its amazing the things you realize when you lose someone; you get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could've a million times, you take for grantd the days doing nothing when you could have been with them. anyone can be taken at anytime in our lives, but we always wait until theyre gone to say the things we never had the courage to before
Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if i wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along...
in the movie "in the mood for love," if someone had a secret they didnt want to share, they go up to a mountain, find a tree, carve a hole in it and whisper the secret into the hole...then they cover it with mud, leaving the secret there forever...
this is my hole...